Last post: December 15, 2011. I was 26. I haven't visited this blog since, until a few months earlier when I wondered if I still had access to this. It's about thirteen years later, and I've been 39 for about half a year now. It's a strange experience to read the thoughts of prior iterations of my own self, to re-explore this repository of my earlier lives, as well as re-reading cringe-worthy juvenile mental vomitus. Ew.
I went and visited Liyo's blog today, as I do every once in a while. His blog has remained the same ever since we all started blogging. Our readers were composed of just our small friend group of four people, and maybe the rare stragglers that happened to pass by. Reading Liyo's old and new posts gave me a thought: what if I decide to give this junkyard another try? See how it'll be like this time.
I never meant for anyone to even read this blog save for a handful of people I was close to. I never openly gave out the URL for this. I don't think that'll change any time soon. I imagined this space to be a sanctuary of sorts, something I don't necessarily want to share with the world, but a place I can write in and not worry about readability and literary standards, one that chosen people may access if they so like, because it's not all the time we get to hang out at length these days, now that we're older and living on different coasts, and in farther cities. Gives me something to do now that my chosen profession leaves me jobless and at home most days, waiting for the next project to come by.
Well. Here's to seeing how this goes:
Dear old 2011 me,
When is it where you are right now again? December? Yeah, you're still probably working at the call center as a language trainer. Just hang on tight, it's going to get wild from that point forward. In about six months you will have among the worst burnouts in your life, and you're going to file your resignation. You're going to have the first longest restful week before working at another company, thinking that it'll take you closer to your more creative endeavors but boy, were we wrong.
And that man you think you really like? Ugh, let him go, dudette, it's no use.
So here's the thing: it's 2025, and we're now living in Metro Manila -- something we never expected we'd ever do. Matter of fact, we resisted it so much, do you remember? People were asking if we had any plans of exploring the capital; they said it might be good for us. I think it was a good decision to hold it off for as long as we did until we were a little more ready. Wait, no, we weren't fully ready when we moved later on, but if we did it earlier it might have fucked us up worse.
We're now working as a full-time professional actor. We also didn't expect that. What we were hoping for was a career in music, but obviously that didn't fly. We're still hoping to put out a solo album, but we don't know how yet.
We now reside in a two-story unit with a wonderful partner we've been with since 2018, and two cats. Our reason for moving here was because the previous unit we used to live in was getting too small for work-at-home situations, and the cats needed some space to run around in.
Since our last post on this blog, here's what we did, pretty much, over the course of the next thirteen years:
- we experienced drinking while on the job in 2012. Our officemate Bernard hated that job as much as we did, so on Fridays we would go to Ayala during lunch time, get a bottle of cheap wine, and drink it over the course of the afternoon to make the day bearable. We called it "coffee." That same year, we began a friendship with Dylan that's still going to this day. We eventually left that job. More on that later.
- we put out an album in 2013 with a trip-hop group named Womb (the album is called Anesthesiac). Didn't expect that, did we?
- we continued doing monthly shows with RBP and PAK until about 2013. And then Alex got sick.
- we finally got to work as a radio jock in 2014. Remember we always wanted to try that? We had a notebook back in college where we wrote that as one of our goals in life. (Although we bungled that short stint in radio because we weren't into the music that the station was playing.)
- we finally left corporate work in 2013! (or 14? I forget now). And then we went for broke trying to figure out a freelancer's life. Fumbled a lot, didn't eat well, and for therapy, we drank a lot. Not good.
- ...but, we discovered we can paint with ink and wash. We sold handmade business cards to friends and other people our friends referred us to. Many years later, in 2023, we discovered we can make bigger ink-and-wash paintings. We haven't gotten back to it since, but we'll get there, because we now have a sort of work-station in the second room that serves as our home office. Another thing we learned how to make: pillow mists and currently, we're self-studying perfumery. We've given a few test concoctions to friends and our sister. They all said they loved it. We didn't believe it at first, but now they tell us they're running out their current supply and would like a refill. We must have made some good stuff there.
- we experienced our first international trip in 2014 (Sweden, Norway to visit Vera, and Italy). We didn't think we'd ever get to travel again, thought that that was it for us, but then 2021 rolled around and we found ourselves in Ireland for film work. 2022 came and we found ourselves in Spain and Singapore for film festivals. We also got to go to Malaysia for film work, and we finally got to visit an actual shrine dedicated to Ganesha. Always liked him, remember?
- moved from place to place in the span of a few years after a horrible breakup in 2015, and then in the middle of all of it, we found new friendships, including a pivotal one with Samantha, with whom we came up with the best shenanigans doing comedic online content. She's now part of the group of best friends we have, too.
- When we turned 30, we celebrated at Turtle's Nest and we tried to get our old band together. A Balde-ni-Alan/Mary Peril return of sorts, for fun, because it was our birthday. Well, it was just Intoy and Berto and us. We played our old tunes, and we didn't realize that that was the last time we were ever going to play as that group. Who knows, we might yet get together again in the future but for that time period, that was the last. Intoy is now in Samal Island, Dax is in the US, I think? or was it New Zealand? Dave and Berto are in Japan, and Stacey has been playing for various bands after MP. Ronyel has been going around the country and even abroad for exhibits (went on to become a full-time visual artist).
- Remember Alex? Yeah, he's gone. Left the world in 2016. And yes, we still miss him. We still call on his spirit whenever we're lost on what to do with the characters we need to portray.
- We shot our first feature film at 29 years old in 2015. In that project, we met Lendz, a person who would eventually become one of our best friends. In that same year, we shot our first feature film in a major role, thanks to our good friend Ara in her directorial debut for a feature length. The next year, we shot our first Manila project. We also shot our first international project in Bohol. We have a lot of memories with Lendz for that one.
- we jumped and moved to Manila in 2017. Impulsive decision, something we're still reeling from almost 8 years later but a pretty good decision, nonetheless. We came here with nothing but a backpack of clothes, a large bag with some books and shoes, and that old broken record player. That same year, Ryan came to hang out with us after meeting him in Cebu about less than a year prior. He's now one of our best friends.
- we won some awards. Good job. We won our first acting award in 2015 in Cebu, and another one several years later for a Cebuano feature film that we did. On that night we won the Luna, Tads officially became a friend, if I really come to think of it (we met him in a prior screening of our film. He's also one of our best friends.)
- we now know how to cook! I mean really cook. It wasn't the pandemic that pushed us, it was in 2019 when we finally rented a unit with a kitchen we could call our own.
- we witnessed the birth and the continuing growth of a film festival in Sagay City. In 2016, when we and Samantha were broke as fuck, we were hired to conduct a two-day workshop in filmmaking for a small community there. They were already focused on art thanks to Nunelucio Alvarado who formed that community there, but film was something they wanted to explore. Since 2019 (save for 2021), we've been going there annually to be part of the jury.
- Remember Ridge? Yeap, she's one of our best friends now. One of the wonderful surprises we've had.
- In 2013, we met one of our best buddies named Skipper, a dog at Turtle's Nest. I'm sad to inform you that Turtle's Nest is no more, and so is Skipper (he died on May 28, 2024, at 11 years old).
- Liyo has moved to Spain, and we hang out with him on video call every now and then. Before he left, we would hang out all afternoon after Arnis class in UP on Sundays. He came by on the eve of our birthday last year, and hopped on a plane two days later. Vera's still in Norway and now with two kids, and Russ is now married and has moved to New York.
- currently, we're waiting for results of the promotional exam that we took a week ago for Lapunti Arnis de Abanico (we've been studying since June last year). If we pass, we're moving up a belt and getting an official uniform. Remember the last time we studied arnis? It was in 2011 at Turtle's Nest. We never got back to it, until we met someone who's been studying here in Manila for the last four years.
- currently, we're also kind of broke again because our dad died last year. And our savings? Gone. We're gonna have to get creative for next month's rent, and paying what we owe our management and our accountant. Yeap, we have an accountant. Progress!
On this Thursday, we have chores to do. Chores and writing are as far as we can go with self-help and self-management for today because -- another update -- our diagnosis had been upgraded from Bipolar II to Bipolar II with panic disorder. (Yeah, by the way, remember when we got diagnosed in 2010? We eventually went to therapy in 2013-15, and then we went back to the same doctor a few years after we moved to Manila. We haven't had a session in almost a year since our dad died because, money issues. We'll earn our coin and return to therapy ASAP.)
Old me, 39 is a weird age. I guess because we're approaching 40 and we're still winging things, and part of us expects that we're supposed to do less of that and more planning. You know, the pressures of the word "adult." Here's to figuring out what the hell 39 is, and in this economy. But come to think of it, it hasn't been all that bad by far, has it? Cheers.
Yours,
2025 me
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